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Two months ago we welcomed our son, Chase Michael, into the world. Now our family is four. Well, five if you include the cat 🐈😊
Throughout my pregnancy, I found myself constantly wondering and imagining what life at home would be like with an active two year old to engage all day and a newborn who needs to be fed and changed frequently. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only mom doing this for 9 months!
How was I going to balance the attention needed by my two year old and the needs of a newborn?
How was I going to manage nursing my newborn with a toddler running around singing “Let It Go” at the top of her lungs?
How was I going to keep up with the energy of my two year old daughter on less sleep?
These types of questions swirled through my head and came up in conversations with friends during playdates. They all told me that it would be challenging, but I would figure it out. It would take time, but I would get into a new routine.
They weren’t kidding when they said it would be challenging! Despite how challenging, and exhausting, each day was, I looked at each day as a new opportunity to work with my daughter and care for my newborn. Bringing a new baby into our home is an adjustment for everyone, and a huge one for our daughter! She was used to having all of my attention and energy for two years and now there is another person in our home who needs Mommy and Daddy’s attention, too.
How do I help my toddler adjust to the new baby?
There are many simple actions you can do that help your toddler adjust to being a big sibling while nurturing her physical, emotional and social needs.
Toddlers are figuring out the world around them. They test our patience and push our buttons. They are full of very strong emotions. They desire to be independent. All of these behaviors are part of the natural learning process for toddlers.
So once a new baby enters the picture, it can change the dynamic of a toddler’s behavior and cause regressions. Rest assured because this is all normal.
Plan and prepare for the new baby with your toddler
Even before the new baby is born, include your toddler in the planning and preparation for the baby. Talk about the baby and what his needs will be. Share stories with your toddler about her as a baby as you organize the toys and clothes in the nursery. Better yet, read books about being a big sibling. Books are a wonderful way to teach your toddler about what to expect with a baby in the house. Big sibling books also help your toddler realize that being a big sibling is a special responsibility and something that makes him/her unique.
Spend daily one-on-one time with your toddler
While the baby is sleeping, sit on the floor and play with your toddler. Here are some ideas of things you can do with your toddler:
- Read a book
- Complete a puzzle (We love our Melissa & Doug Wooden Puzzles!)
- Play a game
- Draw/color
- Do an art activity
- Do a craft
- Listen to music and sing songs
- Have a dance party
- Play with a favorite toy
- Play with stickers (My daughter LOVES this sticker book and I love what it teaches her!)
- Bake a special treat
- Engage in imaginative/pretend play
Schedule playdates
Playdates are a great way for your toddler to feel special with the new baby around. She gets a chance to play with someone her own age. A playdate distracts her from the new baby and helps with her social development. Playdates give mommy another adult to talk to and a way for friends to meet the new baby. That makes it a win for everyone!
Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings
It can take a toll on you managing a toddler’s strong emotions, especially when you are taking care of a newborn at the same time.
One thing that truly helped was getting down at eye level with my toddler and acknowledging her feelings. “I see you are scared/sad/angry/frustrated because…” This shows her that you are listening and care about her feelings. It also helps your toddler label her emotions.
Toddlers do not know what they are feeling so it is our job to identify the emotions for them. We don’t want our toddlers to think it is wrong to express their emotions. Rather, we want to teach them how to embrace their emotions and understand their feelings.
Acknowledging and naming your toddler’s feelings communicates to her that these are normal and it is okay to feel this way. In the same breath, you want to teach your toddler healthy ways to cope with these feelings.
It is possible your toddler may act aggressively towards the new baby. She may hit, grab or swipe at the baby. My toddler did this on quite a few occasions, especially during the first few weeks.
First recognize this as your toddler’s way of expressing anger about the new baby taking the attention away from her. Then make it very clear that it is not okay to hurt the baby.
Talk to your toddler about the behavior and encourage her to express this anger in other ways. Use books to teach her healthier ways to express her emotions. This book was one of our favorites to read and we read it often!
Your toddler can color with a red crayon on a piece of paper, roar like a lion or stomp her feet on the floor.
A cool-down spot is another option for your toddler. This is a place, away from the baby, where your toddler can “take a break” and cool down. You can keep a small basket of books or quiet activities, like a coloring book, for your child to use in this area.
Put music on in your house and dance away the anger. Listening to Disney Children’s Radio makes my toddler very happy!
Praise your toddler
You want your toddler to feel noticed, especially when your attention is being directed towards the frequent needs of a newborn.
When you see your toddler do something positive, praise her: “Thank you for putting the puzzle away when you were finished with it. What a big helper!”
Besides reinforcing the behaviors you want to see in your toddler, you are helping her feel special by noticing what she is doing. So, praise your toddler often.
Reward your toddler with lots of hugs, kisses, and high-fives. Our daughter loves when we cheer and clap after she behaves in a way that makes us happy! My husband lifts her up and shouts, “Yay!” This produces a huge smile across her face!
Make a big deal about the things she does, especially in front of others: “Thank you for handing me the burp cloth (diaper, wipes, pacifier). What a great big sister!” or “Those kisses make your baby brother feel so loved by his big sister.”
Give your toddler choices
Whether it is choosing a snack or activity to do, give your toddler 2-3 choices. This helps your toddler feel in control, harnessing that need for independence. My daughter is more likely to agree to one of the choices if SHE was the one to choose it.
When your toddler feels like she has some control during the day, she is less likely to gain control in negative ways.
Offering choices develops your toddler’s sense of autonomy. These limited choices build your toddler’s confidence. This feeling of self-confidence and ability to think and act for oneself is essential to your toddler’s healthy personality development.
How do you cope with a toddler and a newborn?
My two year old is very demanding of my attention. She wants to play with me. She wants to draw with me. She wants me to get her a snack. She wants me to get her a cup of chocolate milk. She wants me to paint with her. The demands keep on going.
My newborn is also demanding of my attention. He needs me to feed him every 2-3 hours. He needs me to change his diaper 5-10 times per day. He needs me to hold him. He needs me to talk and interact with him. The needs keep on going.
Needless to say, parenting a toddler and a newborn can lead to pure exhaustion pretty quickly. You are one person, doing your best to fulfill the needs of two human beings. It’s not an easy feat, but there are several things that helped me manage this super busy time at home with my toddler and newborn.
Create routines and daily habits
Routines and daily habits are essential to your health and daily productivity. Routines give structure and discipline to your day, which is crucial for toddlers. When toddlers know what to expect, they are less likely to throw a tantrum. With a baby and a toddler, it is even more important to establish these routines and set some sort of structure to your days. This keeps everyone happy!
Morning Routine
- Waking Up
- Mealtime – Breakfast
- Activity & Playtime
- Errands/Storytime/Time outside the house
- Mealtime – Lunch
Naptime Routine
- Change diaper
- Choose 2-3 books
- Watch a short video to unwind
- Read chosen books
- Kiss, Good-bye and “I love you”
Afternoon/Evening Routine
- Eat a snack
- Playtime/Go outside (Weather Dependant)
- Watch a movie/TV show
- Mealtime – Dinner
Bedtime Routine
- Bath
- Brush teeth
- Put on pajamas
- Choose 2-3 books
- Watch a short video to unwind
- Read chosen books
- Kiss, Good-bye and “I love you”
Daily Habits
- Wash face, brush teeth and get dressed
- Make the bed
- Do one load of laundry
- Open curtains and blinds
- Wash dishes
- Wipe down kitchen counters
When there is a newborn and a toddler in the home, it can feel like pure chaos. In order to calm the chaos, stick to routines. Focus on the order of daily activities rather than, “It’s 10:00. That is snack time.”
Really pay attention to what your toddler and newborn are telling you they need. Things tend to naturally occur around the same time, but there are some days when my toddler eats more at breakfast, skips her snack and eats something very small for lunch. Or, she throws tantrum after tantrum and every little thing appears to set her off. Days like this, things I wanted to do around the house get pushed aside and I try really hard to figure out what will make my toddler happy.
Sometimes, we play in the bathtub, paint, play with new stickers or bring out the Play Doh. Usually, a sensory activity will calm my daughter down enough so that I feel like I can breathe for a few minutes.
Some days I need to bring out a new toy from our storage closet, read her a new book, or make up a new way to play with an old toy. We use our imaginations and take time for some pretend play!
These types of days leave you mentally (and physically) exhausted because you are using all of your strength to focus on your toddler and figuring out what she needs. You honestly take the day one hour at a time and that’s okay! But, maintaining the routine of the day (as best you can), will help you survive a challenging day with your littles.
Put systems into place to make life easier
A system is an organized way of completing a task. It is an established procedure. A way of getting things done more efficiently.
I never knew how important systems were until I became a mom. My time is valuable and I need to make the most of the minutes available to me in a given day.
There’s a lot that needs to get done so creating systems helps me manage the daily house chores and needs of my littles.
With a husband working 12 hours a day, I am the one that keeps the house clean, maintains the laundry, and runs the errands on top of caring for our children.
I established a system for managing the mountains of laundry. There is a lot more laundry to do with a newborn! We use a laundry basket for darks, one for lights & whites, and one for baby. The baby wash is separate only because it often gets spit up all over or pooped on. So, his clothes need additional care for stain removal!
I do 1-2 loads of laundry per day. I literally carry the laundry basket downstairs with me in the morning. If I do not, it feels like I haven’t done it for weeks. It is much easier to manage washing, drying and folding one load of laundry in a day than it is three or more. This mom doesn’t have time to spend her entire day doing laundry.
Get out of the house every single day (or almost every day)
The first two weeks of being home with a newborn and a toddler included my husband being on a paid parental leave of absence. This was such a wonderful experience because he was able to help with our toddler. He took her out of the house and got a lot of daddy-daughter time.
Our goal was to get her out of the house every day. He took her to the library for storytime, the local science museum, the grocery store, Target and the mall. This helped me catch up on laundry, get some things done around the house or just sleep. I also got to snuggle my newborn baby while watching episodes of my favorite TV shows. You don’t realize how much you miss those snuggles until you bring another baby into the world.
Once my husband went back to work, it was more challenging to get out of the house with two children. Also, since my son was born in the winter, I was concerned about taking him out in the cold and being exposed to germs. Therefore, we did a lot of drives in the car.
My daughter got a change of scenery, enjoyed reading the special sound books we keep in the car and listening to the Disney music playlist on my phone. Our baby boy simply slept in the car seat while I drove. I would drive to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts for coffee.
On occasion, we drove to our favorite fast food restaurants to pick up something special for lunch. Some days, we went to the grandparents’ house for playtime and lunch.
No matter where we went or what we did, we got out of the house!
Prep meals
Prepping meals or meal components ahead of time helps make each day run smoother. I use Sunday (or Monday if it was a busy weekend) to prepare meals for the week. This is the only day my husband is home all day. While he spends time with the littles, I cut up fresh veggies and fruit. I make batches of pancakes, waffles, muffins or baked oatmeal. I usually make double batches, putting one or two in the freezer for future weeks. This way, when the newborn wants to be fed or held, I can grab the components of a meal and easily satisfy my toddler’s hungry tummy.
My husband does not eat most meals with us 6 days out of the week. He leaves for work before breakfast, eats lunch at work and eats dinner later in the evening after the kids are in bed. This means I function solo for all mealtimes and snack times. Some days, the grandparents are over so there’s an extra set of hands, but most days, it’s me, a toddler and a newborn for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
My goal when prepping meals and snacks for my daughter (and myself) is to make every bite go further. This includes mixing fruit and veggies into the pancakes, waffles and muffins. Not only does it increase the nutritional value of these baked items, it makes them a healthy snack and meal option for my toddler.
Ready made snacks for my toddler are a lifesaver. Some days my daughter is an eating machine and it feels like she is spending more of her day eating. Other days, she barely eats her meals. This is why I prep a few snack and meal options ahead of time. Smoothies are a big hit in our house, too!
Prepping meals and snacks ahead of time is so essential to my mental sanity and physical health!
Involve your toddler in house chores
There are a lot of chores that need to get done during the day and week, especially with a toddler and a newborn. Spending every minute my littles are sleeping doing house chores does not appeal to me. I want to use the time they are sleeping to do something for myself or snuggle with my baby boy. Therefore, I involve my toddler in several house chores during the day.
Toddlers love to help. The phrase “I do it” is heard quite often among this age group. This is why toddlers should help around the house. Not only are you teaching them responsibility, you are building her self-confidence and sense of worth as she helps you accomplish something important around the house.
The chores that your toddler can help with include:
- Laundry – Putting the dirty clothes into the washer and the wet clothes into the dryer; matching socks
- Dishes – Drying the dishes as you wash them & helping you unload the dishwasher
- Cleaning up toys after playtime
- Throwing trash in the trash can
- Sweeping with a dust pan & broom
- Vacuuming up crumbs after a meal or snack with a handheld vacuum
- Dusting surfaces with a Swiffer Duster
- Bringing dishes to the kitchen sink
Wear your baby in a carrier
Wearing your baby during the day, especially if he wants to be held, is so helpful. It frees up your hands to play with your toddler. Wearing your baby helps you meet the needs of both littles simultaneously: playing with your toddler and snuggling your newborn baby. It also gives you a chance to do something around the house if baby is fussy when not being held. We did a lot of walks with our baby boy in the carrier. He stayed nice and warm on the colder days while my daughter and I got some fresh air and exercise.
Accept and ask for help from family & friends
If family or friends offer to come over and play with your toddler, let them! Your toddler will appreciate the extra attention, and enjoy playing with someone different. You will appreciate the break from toddler entertainment.
We are fortunate that our in-laws are retired and live 15 minutes away. They come over and play with our toddler, take her to the library on occasion for storytime, cook us dinner, bake us sweet treats, help with the yard work (a HUGE help to my husband), and watch the kiddos so I can run a quick errand or two child-free. We are so appreciative of their help!
My husband is a swim coach and the past several months, he was away most of the weekends due to swim meets. During these weekends, my mom came to stay with us. She played with her granddaughter while I caught up on some things around the house, took her out and about for a few hours, snuggled with the baby and freed me up to run some errands or take a walk with a friend. Plus, the additional set of hands during mealtime was extremely helpful! I also enjoyed having someone else to talk to during the day.
If family and friends offer to bring you a meal, let them! It is definitely a timesaver and HUGE help when someone brings a meal. I welcomed them with open arms. When you bring a second baby into the world, you appreciate (and welcome) the help even more than you did with the first baby.
Coordinate naps as best you can
This can be tricky to do, but I tried my hardest to put my newborn down for one of his naps while my daughter took her afternoon nap. You’ll enjoy the break from both kiddos, even if naps overlap for 30 minutes or an hour. A break is a break some days!
I’m thankful for a two year old who still naps and doesn’t fight it either. But if your toddler doesn’t nap, implement Quiet Time in his/her bedroom. Keep a few quiet toys like puzzles, building materials, books, or dolls/cars for your child to play with during Quiet Time.
During naptime, drink a cup of HOT coffee, read a devotion, read a book or watch an episode of your favorite non-kid TV show. Try to use this time to do something for yourself and don’t spend it cleaning or cooking unless you absolutely have to.
Online shopping is your new best friend
Shopping for groceries and other every day items is so easy now with online shopping and grocery pickup. I can do our weekly grocery shopping from my phone while I am nursing my newborn and then go pick up or have it delivered at a time that is convenient to my family’s schedule. And, of course, with our Amazon Prime, we can get most things we need within one or two days. It truly is a luxury being able to shop from my home and not needing to bring a toddler and a newborn inside the stores. You can even set up recurring items such as diapers, baby wipes, vitamins and other items you always need on a monthly basis as a subscription. Then, you don’t need to remember to purchase. You’ll simply receive a notification your item is ready! That’s one less thing you need to remember to do 😊
How do you play with a toddler and a newborn?
We love using a soft blanket or activity mat for our newborn. If he is awake, we lay him on one of these things for a few minutes of tummy time every day. We also lay him on his back to look at the cute animal toys hanging from the top of the activity mat.
While he is on his activity mat, I am on the floor playing with my two year old. Sometimes we play with her Little People Princess Dolls. Sometimes we play in her kitchen, pretending to bake a birthday cake, or sometimes we sit and read books together. While we are playing, I put music on for us to listen to, usually Disney songs. My son can enjoy the books and music, too! Every few minutes, I will tickle my son or interact with him in some way. My daughter enjoys showing him books and reading to him, also! I really try to encourage my daughter to play with her baby brother by having her talk to him, show him her toys and read books to him.
How do you make time for self-care?
It is important to take care of yourself every day because this helps you be a better mom.
I make sure to get dressed and take a shower every day. After my son nurses and goes back to sleep in the morning, before my toddler wakes up, I will get myself dressed. I shower at night after bedtime or during naptime.
I also adjust my sleep schedule to wake up 15-30 minutes before my kids. Sometimes closer to an hour if they slept well during the night. My kids go to bed on the earlier side so I will give myself time after they go to bed to read a book, drink a glass of wine or watch an episode of a TV show with my husband.
I use a refillable cup with a straw for water because this guarantees my water intake each day is what it needs to be, especially with breastfeeding my son. Hydration is so important! Because I prepped fruit and veggies during my meal planning, they are ready during the week to grab and eat during meals and snacks 😊 Fueling your body with nutritious foods is important to your overall wellbeing.
Conclusion
I hope the tips I shared in this post help you as you manage life at home with a newborn and a toddler. I know you hear this a lot, but soak up the moments as much as you can because it go SO FAST!! Not every day is going to be perfect and some days your toddler will watch more TV than others and some days you will get nothing done. Well, I’m here to say that snuggling with your newborn, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book to your toddler are wonderful things to do! That sounds like a great day to me 😊 You are doing great and just keep taking it one day at a time!! You got this momma ❤